Wonder

When people ask why I went to law school, I really have no good answer. My family always said I should become a lawyer because it was impossible to win an argument with me. Many of the people I admired in life are attorneys. I went to DC after undergrad to live a little and be sure law school was what I wanted to do. I LOVED DC. Absolutely loved (nearly) every minute of my three years there. But I knew that I had to go to law school or I would always wonder.

I don't hate practicing law, but it doesn't wind my watch either. I wonder if I was practicing somewhere else, I would be happier. I was successful in law school and had I started a year earlier than I did, I would have been able to write my own ticket. Instead, my first interview was on 9/11/01, and the market was in flux during the crucial hiring times for me. I had a horrible clerking experience the summer before my third year, so when my current bosses called and offered me a position I knew wouldn't suck, I jumped at it. Even though it was no where near DC (my intended location). So, I've spent the past 5 years in Mayberry. I don't want to be one of those people my dad always warned us about--if I can just graduate from high school, I'll be happy. If I can just get in the right college I'll be happy. If I can just find the right major I'll be happy. If I can just find a husband I'll be happy, etc. But I really believe I need to move in order to be happy.

I went to the beach this weekend with my mom, sister and nephew. My sister convinced my exercise-adverse self to take a 14 mile bike ride. During the long ride along Highway 30-A, I wondered at how and why my life has become so stagnant. Somewhere along the way, I lost my confidence. I went from a successful, happy young woman excited about life to someone content with status quo. Even once I decided it was time to take the plunge and make a move, I'm most scared of being successful. We saw one of my two best childhood friends and her mother on Friday night. They have always been two of my biggest cheerleaders. They still believe I'm great and that I can do anything I want. I'm trying to believe them.

The picture above is of my nephew and my mom looking on in wonder at the sea lion performing at Gulfworld. I'm looking for the wonder in this world again.