You Could Ring My Bell

What is it with bell ringers? I always hesitate for a long period of time before I ring a bell. Even if the sign says, "ring bell for service." Don't you feel like a jerk if you ring it just as someone is walking in? It just makes me feel demanding.

You can tell a lot about a person who rings the bell. We have a school bell on our receptionist's desk that is pretty much hidden from view. You really have to look for it to find it. If you've been in our office more than once, you should know that we also have a door chime, a creaky door, and a camera in the reception area that feeds two TVs upstairs so that we will know who has come in. There is absolutely no need to ring the damn bell. Here's a rundown of the ringers:

Without Fail:

S

S is "special", so it doesn't bother me when he rings the bell. He comes in every Monday to pick up some money for the week. His main concerns are having enough to buy gas and dog food. How can you not love him?

As an aside, it also doesn't bother me as much as it should when S comes in rubbing his belly under his shirt and the way that he repeats whatever it is he's "just trying to tell you" 14 times before he walks out the door. Clearly, I have a soft spot for S.

Old Ladies

God, I hope I don't act like these bitties when I get to be that age.

What His Name

My second day of work, our secretary asked if I had met What His Name ("WHN") yet. I said that I didn't think so. She said, "Oh, you'd know if you had. He looks like a black dough boy." That is the most dead on description anyone has ever given me.

WHN is a painter and comes in to the office in his coveralls. It doesn't matter if he hears somebody walking down the stairs, if no one is sitting in the receptionist's chair, he's ringing. He was a very frequent visitor/caller to our office for the first 2 1/2 years I worked here. He was introduced to me on numerous occasions. However, he insisted on calling me "What Her Name."

Preacher Man

New client who came in earlier this week and first tried just knocking on the bannister. Then he instituted the heavy sigh. It was only then that he noticed the bell. Since then, it's his favorite toy.

On a different topic about the camera, you might just want to pretend that there are cameras everywhere (you don't really have to pretend). I often forget myself when on an elevator or something in a federal building. Then I just wave at the security guards who have just watched me finally get that spinach out of my teeth. Last week, a couple was waiting downstairs. The wife is 7 months pregnant and upon our receptionist's departure for the upstairs, the wife gleefully stood up (I didn't say hoist) and dug her panties out of the hole to China they apparently retreated in. Clearly, that effort was not enough. Shortly thereafter, she stuck her hand down the front of her pants and properly rectified the situation. All while our secretary and receptionist watched on the tv upstairs. Nice one.